The lost moments of series 2
by Aannaa
Summary: Short fics of ideas about Torchwood series 2 last episodes. T/O mostly.
1. The electro

_I didn´t like that Tosh was nowhere to be seen in From out of the rain...so I have added an extra scene to see more of her. So if you haven´t seen it, or you don´t like T/O, then this is not your fic...anyone else is more than welcome to R&R... Hope you like it._

Tosh watched in silence as Jack and Ianto closed the door of Jack´s office. Ianto was still quite shocked by the recent events. Maybe his love of old films had suffered a severe blow, but his love for Jack seemed as strong as ever. Those two were an interesting couple. Talking about couples. Gwen seemed just the same after being married almost for a month. Tosh had expected some changes, tiny details that showed the difference but maybe it was due to the fact that Gwen and Rhys had lived together for so long that the wedding itself had been nothing more than an anecdote, although what a tale to tell it was!

She smiled a little, remembering all the shouting, crying, running and dancing of that day. She had danced with Owen. She had never imagined that such a moment was ever going to happen. But nothing had happened between them after that. Owen was getting used to being dead. He obviously didn´t like it, but he was again the same Owen, that is, an arrogant, self-centered, medical genius that completely ignored her. No more talking about dates or dancing or anything. They had barely exchange a few words all week. She was feeling sad and blue. She was not stupid, she knew nothing serious was ever going to happen between them as long as Owen was dead, and seeing as that state tends to be permanent, their love story was doomed even before it started. But lately, she had the feeling that Owen was avoiding her. She had made the mistake of telling him, as well as everyone else, that she loved him and he had not liked it. It was hard, painful sometimes, to have him there, knowing it was not possible, first, because he was not interested, and secondly, because he was not alive anymore.

She had been angry for a while. Ianto had invited the others to the opening night of the Electro. He had smiled and offered them tickets. Gwen had said yes without thinking it twice. It seemed like she was in no hurry to get back home, where her husband was surely waiting for her. Tosh has seen her smile and had thought about Rhys for a second, probably longer than Gwen. But then she saw Owen´s eyes. He was looking at her, he saw that she had several reports in her hand, that meant that she was going to be forced to say no to the cinema night. Tosh saw how Owen was deciding what to do. One option was to stay there with her, maybe talk, or maybe, if she was very lucky, help her. The other option was simpler and Owen accepted Ianto´s offer avoiding Tosh´s gaze. She felt the cold wrapping around her heart, just like she felt it when he died or when he shouted at her and then broke his finger. The cold was getting stronger and stronger and she was afraid of it. Ianto was so happy and excited that he didn´t realise he was being rude when he simply said:

-"Sorry, Tosh, I only have 2 extra tickets, but next time I will go with you if you like"

-"It´s okay, Ianto, I don´t like old movies anyway. Go and have fun. I will protect the hub while you are out".

Tosh moved past them, fast, looking at her reports, so as not to look at Owen. He was just about to say that she did like old movies, as he knew she had seen Fred Astaire´s twice, but he saw her face and decided to stay silent.

Tosh ignored their laughs when they left the hub. She was feeling too miserable and was in no mood to keep on feeling like that. She needed to do something to stop the pain. Maybe Owen was afraid of being lost in the darkness, but she was terrified of being shallowed by the coldness. So when Jack appeared she was grateful, maybe he needed her to do something risky, an amazing mission somewhere in the other side of Cardiff, but no...he only wanted to know something about a circus and where was Ianto. And the answer she gave left a bitter taste in her mouth. They were all together, having fun, without her.

Owen had felt like crap when he saw her face. She had wanted to come, and he knew that he had been behaving like a twat with her but he needed some space to think and to understand what was happening to him. She had always been a good friend. She was kind, intelligent, trustworthy. He had always admired her, professionally mostly but also as a person. He had never realised she was actually girlfriend material till that evening when he had asked her out on a date, well, more or less he had done that, but then he had died and everything changed.

He was in no position to fall in love, and he didn´t want to hurt her anymore. Loving her was risky, specially if she knew that his feelings were changing, because she loved him and if she knew how he felt about her, her hopes would just...he couldn´t allow that. She deserved better, at least someone able to breath. He sighed in that small, old cinema, that smelled just like one of Ianto´s things. All his stuff was old, memories of someone else, things he had bought or inherited. He was so old-fashioned...wait, he was old-fashioned and he had an ex-girlfriend that was a ciberwoman and a current partner that was Jack...Wow! talk about contradictions.

Nevertheless, Owen was not interested in thinking of Ianto. He was happy, just like Gwen. But Tosh wasn´t, and he felt responsible.

-"It´s the same images all the time"- Gwen was laughing. Owen wasn´t so amused anymore.

-"Ok, let´s go back"-Owen needed to check on Tosh. He couldn´t think on anything else. She had looked so unhappy when they left.

_Just a little bit...hope there is more T/O on the last one, but I have a bad feeling, I am praying to be wrong..._


	2. Adrift: secrets

_Thanks for the lovely reviews, I miss the good old T/O moments and fear for what is going to come, spoilers have broken my shipper´s heart so, I am trying to cheer me up in case the rumours are true..we will always have the good old moments and fanfics...hope you like it...sorry, English is not my first language so, sorry in advance in case there are mistakes._

**Adrift**

Owen looked at Gwen, he still had problems understanding that woman. He has sleeped with her in the past and worked together with her for more than a year but he just did not see the point in getting so angry and obsessed with something that was beyong their scope and responsibility. Jack had acted weird but he was right, that was not their fault and there was nothing they could do. The people swallowed by the rift were goners, it was bad luck but not their job to find them or to stop the rift from taking them. Besides, if Tosh said it was impossible to predict where the rift was going to have its next human victim, then it was impossible to stop it, she was never wrong. Owen looked at Tosh, she was sad but was a rational person, not controlled by her passions and therefore, she knew that Jack was right and that Gwen was just trying to catch stars with her bare hands.

- "I am with Jack"- He was unable to look at Gwen or Tosh when he left the room. He hated to team up with Jack and leave the girls alone, but he knew it was useless to keep working on that. As he had said, he had learnt to accept things, although he hated the feeling. He wished he was alive every second, for all the small things he used to love and had lost, for all the possibilities he would never be able to explore. He wished he was alive to eat, to drink, to sleep...to kiss and feel the warmth of skin under his hands, and to heal all the open wounds he had. His un-life was torture but he was not defeated or obsessed, while Gwen looked shocked and furious. He heard the sound of Tosh´s heels behind him. He waited for her. He wanted to talk to her about all this but she just moved by his side, not daring to look him in the eyes. She was ashamed of herself for not fighting as hard as Gwen had done for their "little secret project". The two of them working together, that was weird. Owen saw her walking fast, towards her computer. Gwen and Tosh had never been what you could call "friends" or "close". Gwen usually talked with Jack and Tosh had lways confided in him. He was her secret-keeper. Weeks ago, he had promised to tell her everything, to be open with her, and now it was her, Toshiko Sato, who was keeping things from him. Honestly, Owen was not sure of how he felt about that.

-"Tosh" -He started, moving closer to her. She did not move at all- "Tosh, come on, talk to me."

-"Owen, I am busy, I am not in the mood right now"- She answered-"I need to finish this file".

-"Well, you could have finished that ages ago if you hadn´t been playing secrets with Gwen"- Owen replied

- "It was not a game!" -She turned around- "She is right, this thing is related to us, we are the only ones that know what is happening, we are here to protect people."

-"And that is what we do" -Owen sat down by her side- "I honestly don´t know why you join Torchwood, you were already here when Jack convinced me to be a part of this freak show, and you have never talked about that, but I wanted to save people, and sometimes we do. I know it is hard, but we cannot win all the battles and we have to learn to live with that. Take this piece of advice for the dearly departed"

- "Owen, I know you and Jack are right, I just wished...I wished I could have done more for Gwen, she feels so strongly about this, and she is right too"- Tosh closed her eyes frustrated.

- "If wishes were horses...I wish I could have a heartbeat, or blood circulation"- Owen shrugged- "or a sex life for that matter"

-"Lots of women in Cardiff share that wish"- Tosh laughed.

-"I am a changed man, Tosh"- Owen winked, she didn´t seemed to be convinced so he added-"But you know me, I would hate to disappoint anyone..."

-"I understand why you were angry when Gwen and I started to talk about the missing people and the rift" -Tosh lowered her gaze.

-"Really?"

-"You were thinking of Diane"- Tosh was unable to look at him.

-"Oh! Diane..."-Owen had to admit that her face had definitely crossed his mind while he was in the meeting room, but that was not the reason he was angry.- "Tosh, I thought we agreed to have no more secrets between us, but apparently it was just my secrets, I have to tell you all my stuff, but you can keep yours."

-"I was not keeping anything from you, Owen, I knew Gwen was going to tell you all, so I gave her time to make up her mind. Besides, it was not important, I mean, it is, but not as much as the things you were feeling back then. Everything that you are going through, that is important, at least to me."- Tosh looked at him and Owen felt again that weird thing in his gut. He was dead, his heart was not working and still, that woman was able to confuse him, to make him wonder if it was possible to fall in love without a heartbeat. He couldn´t take that risk, for her as well as for him. Pain was the only thing they would achieve if he continued that path. She loved him, he knew it and he was finally learning to accept it, to cherish it, to feel strongly about her. Not just because things had changed but because the changes had shown him what had always been there. She was a strong, intelligent, caring woman, an attractive creature that was ready to love him notwithstanding all his flaws, including being dead and all.

-"No more secrets"- Was all Owen said before going to the autopsy bay. Scared of looking into her eyes. He needed to escape for a while from his feelings for her.

-"Okay"- She promised. Deep inside she was promising something else, but he was terrified of that and she knew it.


	3. Fragments 1

_Fragments was an amazing episode, sad in so many ways, and the trailer of the finale had scared me...hate those rumours but they seemed to be true, so...this is my T/O moment._

**Fragments . 1**

It was all kind of confusing, the dust flying in dirty clouds around his head, the fact that he was lying in the floor, partially covered by bricks, when just a minute before he was standing there, behind a pillar, in front of a bomb. Well, being in an explosion was not as bad as it sounds once you are dead. Of course, his mind was thinking of the thousand of things that could be broken, parts of his body that will never work, as he had lost the ability to heal.

-"Great! Bloody fantastic!"- He thought -"What now? What else can happen to me? Will I be punished to be a talking head for the rest of eternity?"

The idea would have given him goosebumps if his skin wasn´t already dead. He tried to move the legs and they were working, and the arms didn´t seem to be broken, so, all in all, it was not that bad. He was a bit trapped, yes, but not broken, so, he was lucky. Then he remembered the seconds before the bomb exploded, he had heard the others talking about bombs. God, no!, there had been more bombs, What had happened to them?

Of course, for Jack it was not a problem, even if the bomb had killed him, he would come back and be as young, strong and dashing as ever. Life was certainly not fair, from Owen´s point of view. Ianto was a lucky bastard, he tended to survive almost anything. Well, he dated a cyberwoman and survived, he fed Myfawny everyday and had never been eaten alive. Besides, his blood circulation worked just fine. Yeah, life was definitely not fair. And Gwen was not in the building so she was safe.

Owen´s mind didn´t want to contemplate the last option. She was far too important to even think about it. Tosh had to be okay, it was unacceptable to think that something had happened to her. But she had been there, with them, with the bombs...God, no!

He wanted to shout her name, call her, make sure that she was safe, as well as to know where were the others, but the dangling glass was scary enough to keep him quiet. If he moved or made a sound he might end up as Doctor Harper, "the amazing talking head". He wondered what would Jack do with him then. Maybe leave him in the autopsy bay forever, to check on the newbie´s work, or next to Ianto´s diabolical coffee machine, or maybe, if he was a good boy, next to Tosh´s keyboard. Tosh...Tosh...God, she couldn´t be dead, no, that was not possible. She didn´t deserve that, the darkness, the fear, the nothingness that waits for you once you are dead. Owen closed his eyes. He needed her to keep on fighting that darkness, but it was not just for that selfish reason that he wanted her to be safe, but because he didn´t want that nigthmare for her, unless...well, if she was going to die, he should go with her. Maybe if they did the journey together it wouldn´t be that scary. They could walk hand in hand through the darkness. Perhaps there was a light at the end of the tunnel after all. He smiled. Her eternal positivism was starting to affect him. She made him believe everything was possible as long as they were together. God, Tosh had to be alive.

But then, if she wasn´t dead...Where was she? He couldn´t hear her cries, probably because she was in the other side of the building. Where was Gwen? They needed help, and soon. What if she had internal bleeding? What if she was in too much pain? Broken bones were painful, and some injuries were tricky. He was getting more and more nervous.

-"Think about something else, Owen" -He told himself-"If I move a finger this will be the end. No more legs, no more arms. If I move, I will be nothing more than a head and nobody likes brainy guys".

He tried to relax, opened his eyes and thought about his past, and heads, and brains, and Katie. He remembered how he lost her, how his love was not enough.

He had made so many mistakes since then, he had escaped everytime he felt something for someone, he had avoided love, only Diane had hurt him again, but now, even that seemed ridiculous. Being there, unable to do a thing, trapped, waiting for someone else to do something, was just like living that episode of his life all over again. Tosh was under the rubble, maybe dying somewhere, nearby, but too far away from him. He couldn´t save her, just like he was useless when Katie needed someone to understand what was going on in her head. Owen felt the pain, it was hurting, tearing him inside out. He was sick of losing the people he loved, the ones he care about. If she died, this time, he would not try to go on with his life, mostly because he was already dead, so he made up his mind. If this time, he was unable to save the woman he loved once more, he would go with her, into the darkness, he would not leave her alone. Not this time.

_Just a possible glimpse into Owen´s mind. Hope you like it. Thanks for the reviews._


	4. Fragments 2

_I am just waiting to see the finale, scared if the spoilers are true and still hoping for the best...Tosh is and has always been my fav character, so...hope you like it...I don´t have a beta and my language is no English (quite easy to see) but still, hope you like it...it´s Tosh in Fragments._

Tosh felt the excruciating pain the second her body touched the ground. It had been a terrible way to start a day. She had been tired after spending the night talking with Owen in the hub. She had stayed late to fix some software problems, well...actually, she had decided to leave that till late so she could stay a bit longer with Owen. Not that she was hoping for anything to happen between them, no, she had given up that hope a long time ago, since the day he died. She just wanted to stay there, talk to him, as he couldn´t sleep, so that the night was not so boring for him. She still loved him but she was determined to be a good friend. Maybe they were not meant to be together in this life, but she had some kind of hope that maybe, one day, or in another life, she was going to have the chance to know how it felt to get a real kiss form doctor Harper.

She had stayed up all night with him, just talking about life and death, about Cardiff and London, about the things she loved to do when she was a student and of his hectic days as a living young man. She knew that he was not being completely honest with her, that there were things he hide from her and everyone else, things from his past that were too painful. She was not hurt by that, she had her own secrets and she was in no hurry to tell him about the fear and desperation she felt in that tiny cell where UNIT locked her for something that had not even been her fault. She shuddered remembering the cold fear that had controlled her while she was waiting for a miracle.

-"I am going to die here, alone, in silence, in the darkness"-Was all she could think about in that cell. Everyday, she prayed to be released but it never happened.-"I will never know love, I will wither away. I have all this talent, all this intelligence and I will die here, in such a pointless way. I always wanted to save lives, to do something special, to live adventures, to know a man and fall in love in such a way that I would love him forever, no matter what."

She had cried, and then she had stopped crying one day, dry and broken. Sitting there, in the floor, with nothing more to say or think. It was all over, so she just hoped she could die soon.

Jack Harkness had saved her, yes, that much was true. The first weeks had been awkward, just the two of them working in that huge place. A few days later Jack introduced her to a young woman, Suzie. She had been on a mission in Scotland and at first Tosh was scared of her. She was so fierce and Tosh was still so scared. The nightmares were terrible, she dreamt of tiny cells and dusty floors where life was of no importance and death was all that was waiting for you.

Tosh had tried to call the others, while she was there in the floor, crushed by all the rubble, but she was in too much pain and all she could do was cry silently, hoping to be rescued once again.

Suzie had liked Tosh, she was quiet and not a threat, as she was not interested in power; Suzie knew they were never gonna have to fight to see who was going to make the decisions. Slowly, Tosh started to feel comfortable in that place, so much that she tried to rent a flat as close to the hub as she could. She spend there every second and tried to avoid the streets, just in case. She was sure that one day UNIT was going to come back for her.

Just when she started to feel better, Jack brought them a new member for the team. Suzie had not liked Owen too much at first, although everyone knew that the feeling had changed with time. Owen Harper was a strong, determined, brilliant man, with a serious attitude problem, specially at first. He was arrogant, cocky, abusive sometimes. So Tosh had avoided him as much as possible during his first weeks. He was too rude, too loud, too dangerous. She was scared of him and hated him for making her feel insecure again.

One evening, while she was fixing a cable, she heard a sound, something like a sob, but she wasn´t sure. It came from the autopsy room, where doctor Harper was doing an autopsy to the ugliest weevil ever. She thought that what she had heard was probably just the sound of the doctor tearing up the dead alien to see if it was uglier inside. But then she heard it again. It was definitely the sound of someone that was crying but was trying to do it silently. She saw him, sitting on the floor, his head between his hands, crying like a baby. It was heartbreaking. She wondered what had happened to this man to make him suffer so much.

Since that day she had decided to be nicer to him, to try to get to know him. Maybe there were not so different after all. He had laughed at her at first, but a few weeks later he had let her to get a bit closer. They had started talking and in a year they were the closest thing to a friend that either of them had. Tosh started to walk next to him in missions and Owen started to rely on her more than in the other members of the team. Whatever he did, he knew Tosh would help and defend him. They were always working together, so Jack decided to place their workstations one next to the other, so that they could work without having to shout all the time. Suzie had her own space a bit away from them and wasn´t very interested in their conversations, so Owen and Tosh were always talking and that led to a new period in their lives.

She had fallen for him, but it had not happened on one day, it was a slow process, and she was sure that she was going to love him up until her last living second.

She shuddered, she wasn´t ready to die. She couldn´t help but think about Owen. She hoped he was fine, that the explosion had not hurt him in any way as he was unable to heal. Well, at least he couldn´t die again. She didn´t want to die and leave Owen on his own. She was scared and for once, she really understood the way Owen talked about death. The terror in his eyes when he talked about the darkness. God, she wanted to hug him more than anything else.

-"Please, I need to survive"-She pleaded, the pain was unendurable.

-"Tosh!"- She heard Gwen´s voice. Tosh closed her eyes, tears running down her cheeks, leaving clean lines in he dirty face. She was going to be rescued, once again.


	5. Exit wounds

_I am in shock, I have no words to express my sadness, beware of major spoilers 2x13...R&R_

Owen stared at the white blinding light, unwavering, not blinking, not breathing (which was easy as he didn´t have to breath anymore) Those were going to be his last seconds on Earth. That was it, the big Bang, the last time he saved the world. Damn, he was going to miss it. Good luck he had already left a good epitaph written and that he had sent a copy to Jack´s mail months ago, after his first death, just in case. He wondered what they were going to do without him. Surely, Jack would mourn him for...a couple of hours and then he would call Martha Jones and keep on working. It was not the first time someone died in Torchwood, well, it was not even the first time he died. The day after Suzie died, Gwen was cleaning her table, ready to do her job. Owen closed his fist, angry at the idea of someone else tinkering in his autopsy room. At least it was going to be Martha, and she was brilliant, not like the past morons that were hired to be the Torchwood medic before him. Besides Martha was safe, he hated to think of another guy making jokes at Gwen and Tosh, specially now that Gwen was married, because Tosh would be his obvious choice for...no, he was not going down that path, he was not dying thinking of Tosh with another guy.

Well, that was it, so he waited for it to end. He was scared of the darkness but not as much as he had feared he would. Thanks to Tosh he had managed to calm down and now he saw things in a completely new light, which was also easy, as he was surrounded by light. Luckily he was unable to feel pain or the way his body was being disintegrated would have been a terrible agony. He closed his eyes, because although pain was not an issue, seeing how your body decomposes is not a nice experience.

Once he closed his eyes he was sure the darkness was going to swallow him but first he enjoyed a few seconds of peace, complete peace, while fragments of his life flashed in his mind. It was only the good bits, the happy moments, the day he asked Katie to marry him, the day he started to work at his first hospital, the first baby he delivered in a bus stop while the mother shouted all the obscenities she could remember, the day he realised he loved working in Torchwood, the day he went to have a few drinks with Jack and laughed for real for the first time since Katie´s death, that night dancing with Diane and her red dress, the way Gwen kissed him while they had sex in his flat, the smell and taste of Ianto´s coffe, the day he made Myfawny ate Tosh´s reports and then sweared he had not been able to prevent it from happening, then the images were faster, flashing and flashing in a rollercoaster of emotions that were affecting him more than the radiation, these were the true moments of his life, of the people that had really touched him, the moments that had been really meaningful. He knew his unbeating heart was breaking, it was just too powerful. The smell of Katie´s hair after the morning shower, the passion of Diane even when they were not in bed, the warmth of Jack´s embrace that day after he came back from being dead for days, the kindness of Ianto´s voice while he tried to make him feel better when he was struggling to accept being undead. Gwen´s smiles, always positive, the eternal optimistic, she was going to cry a lot for him. Tosh´s eternal love, it didn´t matter what he did, what he said, she was always there. Flash after flash he saw her: the day she appeared wearing a purple dress and the jealousy he felt then, the way she said "I love you" while he was holding that weird red thing after the pain he had inflicted on her, the emotions of the moment when he asked her if she still wanted a date and her response to that, the smile that brigthen her whole face when she realised that he was serious. His last words in the world had been for her, and only her. He had apologised for hurting her so many times, for being bling, for not taking the chance to go with her on a date when it was possible, for not realising that she was the one and that she was in front of him. He had not said the words but what he had tried to said when he was talking to her was not just goodbye, it was a quiet I love you. He hoped she had understood, but she was so intelligent, his Toshiko, that surely she had.

Owen felt the cold darkness enveloping his soul. He was dead, that feeling was not new, it was kind of familiar by now. He knew that once he opened his eyes, he was going to see the darkness once again. He just hope death was not around, lurking in the shadows, ready to get revenge after the hospital´s incident. Slowly, very slowly, he opened his eyes. It was weird to be thinking in physical terms, he knew he had no real body, as his had melted away in that chamber. But his mind or soul, or whatever it was, projected an image of who he was, and he moved his hands in front of him. It was nice to be able to move all fingers once again, and besides, maybe it was even better to be dead, at least he could stop worrying about breaking a bone or tearing up some flesh here and there.

He stopped moving his fingers, frozen in place. He had heard a sound, he was sure of that. God, not again. He prayed to all the gods in eternity. The last time he had died the darkness had been ready to eat him, with real teeth, and he was sure this time it was not going to be any better. But he was not ready to give up without a fight. He had defeated death once, surely he can try again.

-"Ok, look, I am sorry for being a party pooper last time we get together, I understand killing is your thing, but not mine, mate" -Owen prepared himself for the fight, fist at the ready- "come on, come here, stop lurking"

-"Owen?" -It was weak voice, a familiar one, he lowered his fists, his whole body was trembling, that could not be true, he had to be dreaming, maybe he was still in the chamber and this was a hallucination due to the radiation, or a nightmare caused by stress.

-"Owen?"

-"Tosh?"- Owen asked, his mouth dry by the fear of hearing her answer and knowing that this was not a dream.

-"Owen!" -She appeared, her lovely face pale and scared, she was wearing her purple dress and ran to him,instinctly he opened his arms and she embraced him. He closed his arms around her little body and felt her trembling against his chest -"I thought I would never see you again! I thought I was going to be alone, after all you and Suzie told me about death...I feared this moment, I was sure I was going to be alone, trapped in the dark, like in a cell or something...I..."

-"Tosh, wait, Tosh" -Owen tried to speak but she kept on talking, so he raised his voice angrily- "God, Tosh! While you were alive it was hard to make you say more than two words but now you are dead it is impossible to keep you quiet!"

-"Sorry, Owen" -She lowered her gaze, still in his arms- "It is just that I am so happy to see you, you can´t imagine how much."

-"Tosh, I am glad to see you too, babe" -He crushed her against his chest to make sure it was really her- "Don´t get me wrong, but ...What the hell are you doing here? You should be alive, you were okay, just the arm..."

Tosh avoided his gaze, then he realised the truth.

-"A machine malfunction" -He said- "You lied. Why?"

-"I wanted to save you, I needed you to be focused. In the end, I wasn´t able to do it."-She cried, hiding her face in his t-shirt- "Besides, you were so far away, I was alone, it was useless to tell you that I have been shot".

-"Shot? Where?" -Owen asked, she moved aside a little bit and pointed towards her stomach. Owen grinded his teeth- "A shot wound in the stomach? That means bleeding to death and pain, so much pain. And I was shouting, shouting mad, Tosh, you should have said something."

-"That is okay now, Owen" -She smiled- "I died talking to you, that is all that matters"

Owen kissed her forehead. He was shaking just as badly as she was.

-"Who did it?" -Owen asked- "Who killed you?"

- "Jack´s brother" -Tosh spitted the words.

-"Bastard" -Owen was beyond furious. He kissed her forehead again and then rested his face next to hers.

They remained like that for a moment, in silence, gathering strength together. Then, suddenly, Tosh moved her head and looked at him.

-"What? What is it?" - Owen asked

-"I left a message in my computer log, in case I died"- She explained- "It will play if Ianto tries to log me off as dead."

-"Really? You are a genius" -He smiled at her- "What does it say? Is it something scandalous? Do you confess your girlie crush on Jack or something like that? Why are you trembling again? What is in that video?"

-"I thank Jack for saving me" -Tosh saw in Owen´s eyes that he had no idea of what she was talking- "Long story, but I promise that I will tell you one day, after all now we have eternity ahead. I also, well, I..."

-"What?"- Owen was curious.

-"I confessed my love for..."- Tosh continued, Owen leaned a bit closer to her- " for you."

-"Well, that would probably come as a shock to them" -Owen laughed- "I am sure not one of them had any idea of you being in love with me"

-"Don´t laugh, it is weird" -Tosh replied angry- "We are dead and you are making fun of me"

-"Good things never change" -Owen smiled at her- "I am so happy that you are here. I am sorry that you are dead and I will kill the bastard that killed you once he comes here, but right now, I am so happy you are with me."

Tosh kissed his cheek, he touched her face, tenderly, with slow and delicate movements.

-"Have you got any other relatives or friends that might be here?" -Tosh asked, deep down she feared the answer, something inside her was telling her that Diane might be dead already and that could a disaster for her.

-"One important person from my past has been dead for a long while now" -Owen said, thinking of Katie. It seemed so far away now, the presence of Tosh in his arms was all that matter- "But I am sure she has found her way around here. I am not leaving you Tosh, not now that I have finally opened up my eyes. I won´t make the same mistake again, Toshiko, this time I will be with you".

He kissed her and although he knew they were both dead and that those weren´t their real bodies, he enjoyed feeling her lips and tasting her. She was the light that kept him sane while he was undead and now he was going to be the one that saved her from the dark. She laughed and he stopped the kiss.

- "Am I so bad?" - Owen asked teasing her- "Girls used to like it, even you used to like my kisses, but maybe I was better while I was alive."

- "No, it is not that" -She kissed him in the lips, smiling- "I was thinking that now that we are gone, Torchwood is going to be a disaster. The system will never work properly, maybe they have the alien morgue code but not the alien translator´s password or the codes for the rift surveillance or..."

Owen kissed her and laughed with her.

-"I won´t let you wander out of my sight. Who knows? Maybe Jack finds a third glove and brings you back to life just for a few more codes" -Owen let her rest her head on his shoulder- "I won´t let them take you away from me."

* * *


	6. The video

_Just a small moment, lost in the middle of Season 2, a moment that I have tried to imagine, hope you like you like...My dear, dear Tosh..._

* * *

It was all quiet in the hub that evening, Gwen had gone out early, she had to go to a shop with her maids of honour to try on more wedding dresses. Tosh was glad she was not invited, it would have been weird and painful to see her so happy, so normal, with her real-life friends, while she was just standing there. Being surrounded by "normal" people made it even easier to see that she was an outsider. She had been one long before Torchwood or UNIT, probably she was born one and she will die one. She sighed, that had been a hard week. She had never wished to switch places with Gwen, well, except that time when Gwen was having sex with Owen, but apart from that, she was happy for Gwen but had never felt true envy. Her destiny was not like hers. She was sure she was never going to run to a shop to try stupid, white dresses, laughing with the other girls, dreaming of the honeymoon with her lovely husband. She had faced it a long time ago, she was terrible falling in love. Just three days ago Tommy had gone back to his own timeline, where he was going to be executed for being a coward, when he was, in fact, the bravest man she had ever met, and kissed.

Tosh tried to stop the tears that she felt in her eyes. She had already cried enough for Tommy. It was painful and it was another scar in her heart, but she had always been strong and she was not going to have a nervous breakdown. She had survived UNIT´s confinement so she was able to survive anything. Or maybe not? One day it will be her turn to die, to join the frozen bodies of the past Torchwood agents at the morgue, and she had to be ready for that day.

Owen had been so kind with her all week. Worrying too much after all the Tommy´s incident. He acted like he was an expert in heartbreak, if only he knew. Tosh was grateful, she really was. It was nice to feel the way Owen had changed in the last months, ever since Jack disappeared. He used to be a complete ass, but then he started to care or to show that he cared for the team, and it was a fantastic change. Their friendship returned, stronger and better than ever. She had already lost all hope of a romance with Owen after Gwen and Diane but this new Owen was so full of promises. Pity, he had tried to get closer to her when Tommy appeared. She knew that Owen had hated the idea of her spending that night with Tommy in her flat. It was a funny feeling to know that maybe he was really jealous. But all that had happened after that night had made that a blurry memory. She was focused on the man that had sacrificed himself to save the world. She wanted to die just like that, saving someone, in an heroic act.

She started thinking about her death, not a nice thing to do on a Friday evening but one day she would be gone and there were things she needed to do and say before leaving them. Torchwood was her family, and she felt like she owed them something more than a frozen corpse. She decided that she was going to write longer postcards to her mother from now on, trying to give more of herself to her, telling her how much she loved her and things like that. But, What about the others? Should she start sending them postcards too?...That was not such a bad idea, she could leave a message, telling them how she felt, to ease their pain, to make things easier for the loved ones that stayed behind.

Tosh started to think about it seriously.

-"If I die, then Owen will have to cryo-freeze my body" -She tried to remember what they did with Suzie- "So I can get a tattoo, something saying: Owen I really loved you!"

She laughed silently.

-"No, he would be scared of the stalking Japanese corpse...no, that would be wrong. But someone would have to clean my flat, Owen would say he can´t, not because he misses me but because he is lazy. Gwen will be too emotional and busy with the wedding and all...Jack and Ianto, yes, but they won´t notice a message in the table, they will try to make it quick, to stop feeling guilty. How can I tell them I love them?...Ianto has to log me off the system...yes! That is it! A video. Once Ianto starts to log me off, my video will appear and say goodbye for me."

She sat down at her station, her fingers dancing over the keyboard.

-"What should I say? Should I give it a few tries before recording the final version...ok, here we go" - She prepared the programme and went to check how she looked in Gwen tiny mirror. She thought nobody knew she had one hidden in the paperwork on her station, but Tosh knew where to find it.

- "Hello, I am dead so I wanted to say bye..."

-She erased it and tried again:

-"Hello team, If you are watching this then I must be dead. It is ok, do not worry. I just wanted to say thanks and ..."

She erased it and closed her eyes. Her message was as boring as the weather forecast.

-"I must be dead and I don´t have much time before any of you come here and ask me what I am doing so: Gwen, I think you are a fantastic person, good luck with the wedding or kids or whatever you are doing right now. Ianto, it´s been a pleasure to met you and your coffee is the best I have ever tried. Jack, thanks for saving me, seeing your face in that dungeon was like being born again, thanks. Owen...I know this will come as a surprise but I love you, always have. You are the reason why I keep on fighting, thanks for your help with Tommy...I just wished you ..."

She had to stop, tears were running down her cheeks. She had not expect this to be so hard. She didn´t want them to see her cry, she didn´t want to make them suffer. She loved them all so much. She had to do it all over again. She was exhausted, so tired it was hard to keep her eyes opened. She erased the recording and waited.

-"Why are you still here?" -Owen´s voice came clear and loud from behind her. He was taking off his lab coat and getting ready to leave- "Are you ok, Tosh? You looked tired...Have you been crying?"

-"Who? Me? No!"- She faked a smile- "I was about to leave myself."

-"Great! Then you can join me at the local pub for a pint, your turn" -He smiled, not fully convinced, he was a good doctor, and, besides, he was an expert in Tosh, so he was sure he had been crying and he was also quite sure why. He had tried to stop her from falling for that walking corpse, it was so obvious he was going to die and that she was going to mourn him. He had tried to avoid it.

-"It is always my turn!"- She replied getting her coat. He helped her put it on. She smiled at him.

-"Yes, but you get to enjoy my company." -Owen started walking towards the exit.- "So do not complain".

-"Owen, I am fine, really, you do not need to do this" -She stopped walking- "I am sure there are other things you would rather do than sit in a pub with me".

-"Not today, Tosh" -He turned around and grinned- "Come on, girl, hurry up."


End file.
